*why do i do such stoopid things?
when i noe u just dont care?*


gabooie(:

i went to buy my leo dance shoes and stockings today((:
then it started POURING. gah.wanted to buy ben's pressie actually!
but my sister had to rush of for sch..so, oh well.
she treated me n my mom to lunch.haha, at 3.30(:
so, i've got no dinner again.im alone again.at home.alone.again.
but who cares?
not u.





7 things things tt scare me:
1. losing my loved ones
2. really really really dark places with no one wif me
3. nightmares.some of u may noe y, yeah?
4. being alone when im really lonely
5. certain bugs.haha.
6. going blind
7. rejection(does it count when u've been thru it?)


7 stuff i want in my potential gf/bf:
none.haha.dun wanna get into anything anymore(:
and dun ask y.

7 stuff i wldlike fm ppl:
1. holding e door for others
2. helping others when they r in need
3. stop trying to force split me!I WILL KILL U!
4. stop pushing my confidence level even lower.
5. stop pushing me into stuff i dont wanna do
6. stop dragging me outta stuff i love to do
7. ur love((:

(hahaha.and of cuz, lollipops!)


7 stuff i like:
1. pink
2. tea
3. my church!
4. my baby(:
5. my wonderful frens!and of cuz, my beloved!hahaha.
6. lollipops!!!!
7. music?dance?drama?-dumdumdumdummmm!-


7 random stuff abt me:
1. i have a tira permanently on my head
2. i like hugging e toilet rolls thingy
3. i used to have an abusive maid.
4. i wanna find my p3 bestie
5. i wanna hug now....
6. im feeling bluey now.hahaha.so calm..
7. I WANT THOSE LEATHER BALLET SHOES!

haha.
i cant believe im turing 14 in 11 days!
ohmygosh.

ytd for strings, we had sectionals..quite fun.,andres cameover to conduct us((:
den in e night, went for a wake..

hmm.i just realised sth..
two yrs ago when my grandpaw passed away, i dint take much notice of my surroundings.everything just went like zooming past me..PSLE at tt time..suddenly, during homecell, my parents rushed off after getting a call fm my grandma ttmy grandpa was puking
blood..e ambulance came..
i visited my grandpa e next day, too afraid to go in.e doc said tt it was just a matter
of time.
2nd day.decided to go in to see him.cldnt help it, saw him, started crying..my bro quickly
brought me outta e ICU.den when i felt better, he brought me back in.
our whole family started singiing some christian songs..den. my sister went
to whisper in his ears:
"ni xing le me?(do u believe?)"
he was very weak, cldnt tok..cldnt move..
but his head..was like shaking up and down vigoruosly..
as if he was nodding.
tt was when we knew.
we sat around..we thought he wldnt pass on on tt day..we were abt to leave when my sister
went to check on him one last time.his bp was falling..everything red was blinking..den e next thing we knew..e place was crowded wif medics.
we were chased off..
after awhile..e docs said he maynot be able to survive e night.e elders wont let us
stay upat e hospital..we had to go home.
slept.parents rushed off at 6 plus.when they came back.we cld tell what had happened
before they even said anything.
my sister started crying.my bro doesnt cry, he just went around really quiet.
me?i cldnt cry.i dint noe y..i just cldnt.
e tears wont come out.
no matter how sad i was.
went to my grandma's hse to have e wake.
still dint cry.
2nd day of wake.half way thru e service nearly cried.but dint.
3rd day, cremation day.
i had psle.cldnt go.i only went after sch, to collect e ashes.
still dint cry.
in e night.when no one was looking, went to my bedroom, sat dere.and cried my lungs out.
after tt, no more tears were left to cry.

yeah.all e little details..dint go thru my mind at all.
i just went by zombiely..
but at least now i noe he is with our Father up dere.




"wait for me my love.i will join thee up thereth soon."


~lYdIa danced a rainbow in the nightsky~