im so sad )= cuz im so freaking fat )=

sometimes i think i scare myself.
sometimes i think im so fat, so i wld wish for things i know i really shldnt wish for.
hm. weird topic today. anorexia? ew.
anyways, today was sec 4 farewell. so sad!
but thankfully no one cried. i think if one of the seniors cried, i wun be able to hold in the tears any loner )=

i'll miss them sooo much! >.<
they were the batch closest to ours, esp during musical. we'll miss ya'll!

)=
today's a bad day. tiring, sian-ed, frustrating.

maybe cuz D-DAY is coming. 2 years ago, horrible stuff happened on this same week.
last year too i think. cant really rmb.
but my odd years of my life are usually unlucky. i dont believe in luck usually.
but. seriously. what's up with it??
when i was 11, bad stuff happened.
13, bad stuff
15 bad stuff
oh, 9 too!

thats like 4 times in a row. right?
hm. okay maybe not.
this year, it sorta hasnt happened.
the bad stuff..
oh wait. i think it has, and it hasnt ended.
but anyways, the bad stuff is usually an emotionally traumatic rollercoaster.
yeah, so i get into a wreck.
yeah, i've gotten into a wreck this yr, after my midyears.
i rmb i cried and cried and cried over those stupid marks.
sometimes i wonder why i even live in singapore, stressing over stupid marks, stressing over whether or not i'd be a 'failure in life', as our society labels it.
we're living in such a delusioned society! wth is wrong with us??
why isnt anything the same anymore?
we all think in the mindset:

"oh look! he's a roadsweeper. poor thing. he's such a flop in life"

is it, really?

"ITE??? more like It's The End!"

uhhuh. ya sure?

are roadsweepers or whom we consider to be 'failures of life' really failures?
even i think like that sometimes. i label others who arent as "bright "or "successful" as i am.
but then again. what IS the definition of success and failure?

getting straight As? getting a wonderful high paying job? getting a PHD?

what happens when you die? do the As help you? does your money help you? or does your PHD cert help you?

when there's a tsunami coming towards you, do you show it your PHD cert? or your billions of dollars? will that work?

after thinking about all those questions, i'd think, so who exactly am i living for?
what am i living for? riches?fame?

i guess we all get materialistic after awhile.
but have you ever thought why even though i understand the stupidity of materialism, i choose it over some important options in my life? maybe it's because i dont want my world to be so complex. materialism, to me is simplicity.
but i understand that my choices are blunders.
and i wish i could change it, but sometimes we all get greedy after awhile, isnt it?

why do you bring me on a rollercoaster ride? i wish i was in a merry go round all the time.
it would be slow, steady, and everything would be done well. and everyone would always be happy.

ohwells. anyways, im gonna have to learn up the new song we're singing for teacher's day.
but how?! it's in a guy's key. sheesh.
i dun wanna transpose.. =/

okays, buhbye dearies! =DD