hey darlings. so sorry about the delayed pics >.<
haha. my blogger's acting up AGAIN. i know im super late in updating.
but who cares anyway, really?
NO ONE READS MY BLOG.
im POSITIVE.
haha i feel so ironic.
at least im positive about one thing.
and that thing happens to be negative.
o gosh.
wads wrong with me? im not usually like this, well i cant help it
especially now when a sudden realisation hits me and makes me feel like im
the #1 loser in this world.

sucker in education
sucker as a violinist
sucker as a pianist
sucker as a dancer
sucker as a singer

seriously, WHAT am i good at?
gah. this sucks.

anyways, im feeling like a HUGE LOSER right now.
just cuz i cant meet all the expectations that everyone puts on me
well, im SORRY.
im not perfect
i'll crash some day or another. and i guess i jus did.

when i complain to my friends that are musically inclined about how i suck
at my violin or whatever, they'll be like "no la, im sure you're alright."
then if isay something like "but i cant even play this"
they'll give me tt LOOK of 'i really pity you' (of which im beginning to dislike and dread) and say "oh. erm. -smiiles weirdly- im sure you're fine"

yeah. like THAT wld help me. THANKS. and im not being overly sensitive cuz i've
been observing that for awhile. and my observation skills are never wrong

and when i complain to my non musically inclined friends
they'll go " ahh, it's okay! you're pro enough! dun worry! dun need to work so hard la, just ENJOY LIFE AS IT IS"

yeah, well. i WISH I COULD. but i've already made a decision to start this race,
icant just give up halfway, unlike you , whom did not even start one to begin with
and sometimes i wonder. did i make the right choice? will i ever be successful in the end?
shld i give up?
you wldnt understand cuz you're not in the race, and have never had a taste of it
but my musically inclined friends who HAVE, they dont say anything constructive.
so what am i supposed to do, really?
rot and die?
give up and be a useless weirdo?

what'll happen if i give up music?
i think i'll really disappoint everyone.
but then again. what and who am i living for?
GOD.
but sometimes i tire.
im so sick and tired of this exhausting life i lead.

dont worry, im not suicidal. just venting

wow, i sound so profound. HAHAHA after reading all that up there

but seriously, im just really freaked at my life
whatHAVE I BEEN DOING?

WHAT HAVE YOU BEEN DOING LYDIA CHEAM?!
BUCK UP! OTHERWISE YOU'LL BE OUTTA THE RACE. IS THAT WHAT YOU WANT?

that's the voice in my head
and outside my head, there are many other voices
" RELAX, TAKE IT EASY, YOU WLDNT DIE"

really?

"ERM. I DUNNO. BUT IM SURE YOU'LL BE FINE."
"OH, YOU DONT EVEN KNOW THAT? SORRY, CANT HELP YOU THERE. YOU'RE IN DEEP SHIT"

okayyyyy


"GIVE ME A HUG GIRL AND YOU'LL BE FINE"

ya sure?

"TRUST IN ME,LEAN NOT ON YOUR OWN UNDERSTANDING. I LOVE YOU, SO TRUST ME.
I HAVE A PLAN FOR YOU."

that's what i wanted to hear(=

PROVERBS 3:5