yay((=
my bloggie's back to normal(=

haha. hey dearies!(=
today was SUCH a tiring day.
and so depressing too.
got back some MORE marks fm other exams.
and today had violin lesson after strings.

and i realised, after watching my violin teacher play a piece he performed long time ago..
he had a twinkle in his eye as he played, and he seemed to have evolved into a diff person totally.
it was as if he was indulging himself in his music as he played the violin.
i never got that feeling before whilst playing the violin..
okay wait.
maybe once or twice..
but usually, i find it a chore to play.
and when i noticed this in my violin teacher, i actually, for once, wanted to be a talented musician.
cuz usually, i nv really thought about going into music till recently..
cuz, i mean, come on!
i seriously suck at everything in music. as in..
like. theory wise?
or maybe cuz i dun have theory lessons or wdv. but STILL.
i noe i love playing the piano when i compose, or maybe just playing my fave songs..
esp pieces by mozart and debussy!<3
for violin..
sometimes i guess.
dance. i really love dancing. esp when i get the adrenaline to start dancing..
haha.

but all these its like. i will only feel the aura of enjoying these things at certain times..
not all the time.
but there is one thing that i am tireless of.. and always want to do it.. day in, day out.
that's singing((=
i dunno why.
there are sometimes when i wanna enter competitions for singing.
or maybe song writing competitions..
but when i think about how my sister used to take part in song writing competitions when she was my age, and i compared her standard to mine.
i seriously think. i suck.
den i'll think abt singing competitions.
but then again, at these competitions, the ppl participating will be really good since they cant compose, so they have their wonderful singing to back them up.
but my voice is just mediocre compared to theirs.
so maybe thats the reason that has been keeping me from taking part in singing competitions.
i've wanted to do so ever since i was 12 and first went for my sister's song writing competition.
oh no, wait. i was 9 then. not 12.
but.

i seriously dunno.
my dream since young has been hidden in my heart all this while.
so hidden that, i even convince myself, or try to convince myself that it isnt there.
so i'll try to find other dreams so that my disappointment can be hidden by other stuff.
i wanted to hide it cuz. at that time, my sister nearly became a singer.
just that she dint take the opportunity and went into archi.
so i dint wanna.. live in her shadow.. and if i become a singer as well.
and other ppl will go like" wow. ur following in ur sistger's ffootsteps eh?" kinda thing.
like when i went for my audition for DSA to get into MEP.
like wad ms tsien and mrs chan said.
well maybe that's why i hate it when i do badly for MEP.
cuz i feel as if im letting everyone down. cuz im not as good as my sister.

but i dun think its exactly that cuz im afraid to live in ehr shadows that i wanted to give up my dream.
actually, i think it was more like i really love my sis alot( this is getting mushy) and.
i dun wanna like. u noe.. argh. i dunno how to say this.
nvm
well

at least i got that off my chest.
sigh.

okays. today's topic is really weird.
anyways, going to coolzone tmr! wheeee~~~
hahaha.
buhbye dearies. felling a little sick today.
so u guys must take cares yeah?
God bless(=