it's so sad. it really is.
for those of you reading this, dont be too bothered about it, cuz it prly isnt about you.
oh for pete's sake, just dont read this post alright?





sigh. i didnt want it to become so complicated. ohwells.
i cried today :/ and for the first time since 2007, it wasnt because of stress or exams.
there are certain things i dont want you to know, but who can i blame? myself?you? there's no one to blame. now that it has come this far, im really upset that i cant stay. and if i knew i was gonna hurt you in the long run, i wouldnt have gone to you in the first place.

my mom always told me never to trust anyone but myself. my brother always told me blood is thicker than water, and will always be. but i used to think they were all wrong, i used to think that i could trust certain people, that alcohol was thicker than water and maybe it was as thick as blood? but i guess i was wrong.
now that i know im gonna be alone, all i can do, is to rely on myself.
i always wanted to be an independent girl anyway, haha i cant believe im trying to crack jokes at this point. but really, without you, everything seems meaningless.

yepps. so from now on, i am not gonna lean on walls, i will not hold onto bars, i will use my two feet to stand up on my own.

heh, my conscience is telling me this right now: 'who are you kidding? you're already thinking of how painful it'll be. dont make the same mistake you did 2 years ago lydia.'

i am such a failure sometimes -.- but for now, im not gonna focus on anything else but my studies. so shut up conscience.