ever felt like there were times where you really wanna be happy, but just cant?

i really dont wanna be in this state anymore. it's so tiring. but i just cant stop thinking about it.
i cant stop thinking about her.

i didnt even get to see her for the last time.. why? cuz i didnt know. like what kinda stupid friend am i?


everyone thinks it's fine, or so they seem to behave. they're just trying to be ignorant.
but seriosly, what's the point of ignorance, putting it at the back of your mind? when you KNOW that one day, it'll hit you again.
maybe im feigning ignorance myself, to everyone around me at least.
but certainly not to myself.

although im not being ignorant over this, yet it still doesnt feel real.
not till i really see it for myself.
but on the other hand, maybe i dont want to think that it's real.


sometimes, the line between reality and fantasy is thin.

and maybe that's why we need someone to tell us which is which.








okays, enough of that. im feeling better, yes. but i still cant get over it.
and im really tired of thinking, swimming and walking around vivo from today. so
i shall go sleep and wake up at freaking 7am on a saturday morning tmr.
wish me luck.
(that i'd be able to wake up)