hmm. what pastor fuman said today makes sense.

today was an okay day i guess. but i was super distracted during synthesis cuz i kept thinking of her, and i just cant control myself. well, i kinda could at first, but once i told charis, then i cldnt stop thinking alr.
and for me, usually i'd like to force myself to thank God for at least one thing, no matter how bad circumstances are, but this time, i just cant.

when people die, if they're a christian, something to thank God for would be, oh, he/she's in a better place.
when people die, if they're not a christian, we just say, oh, that's part and parcel of life.
when people die, not by natural means, then what do we say? what do we thank God for?
how do we thank?

it's hard. it's unfortunate enough to know one person who committed suicide.
but TWO?! i must be really really..
unfortunate.

and they both died the same way. really, how coincidental huh.

if i were to kill myself, something i'd NEVER do, i would use carbon monoxide poisoning.

yeah, and chill, i'll never do that okay. im just saying that it's the best way to die, cuz you'll look really nice in the coffin.

im starting to be cynical -.-


plan independence in full action. i've got no other way.



for once, my cheeks dont hurt from smiling too much, they're sore from drooping too much.