bleah. my mood's a little weird.
maybe after such an emtionally exhausting week, it's really tiring.
im just glad i have YOU =D

oh darn, blogger has some problems again.
i cant upload REAL'S HOT PHOTOS D=
see la, luu!
i went for the FIR concert and was captivated by REAL.
darn darn darn.
but he's sooo musical, and he sings well too =D
his composing and piano skills are something i really want. hahaha
plus, his shredding on the guitar! =O
he SHREDS! ahhhh.
and he can play the accoustic and classical so well too!
the sound is soo clear when he plays.

(PS: REAL is hot not cuz of his looks)

but.. REAL'S engaged to.. miss faye. )=
but their a nice couple. haha, esp tt "how do i live" song together.
besides, there's a language barrier.
i dun think i will ever be able to speak or understand the ppl there.
haha, lulu and hannah was like translating everything they said to me, LOVE YOU GUYS!
and hannah was encouraging me soo much before the concert started.
cuz i was like kinda not very confident about the ALOUD! thingy..
and i went "wow, if only i cld perform here one day(indoor stadium)"
den hannah went on about dreams blahblah..
and we spoke alot. but in the end, she encouraged me.
PLUS! i think hannah and poonie are the sweetest! =D
cuz we had a talk on anorexia with quek, and i asked hannah and poonie
"what would you do if i became anorexic?"
and hannah said "i will kill myself!" (that's very sweet in her own way. hahahaha)
and poonie said" lydia! dont try to change yourself, you're perfect just the way you are!"
AWWWW. i was soo touched! (=
love them, my friends!

but then, i really think im fat. maybe it's ever since my family gathering.
)=
i dont like family gatherings.
all they know how to do is insult.
did i go there just to let you insult me? to let you make me feel ugly and fat?

i wish my yeye was still alive, then he wldnt let them say these things to me.
)=

i miss his calling me xiao meimei
i miss waving my hands through his hay-thined hair
i miss him pinching my cheeks


i always thought i could forgive easily.
maybe i cldnt?
not when it comes to this.
i used to think. One day when im famous, you'll will get it
i was aiming that at those who bullied me. those who ostracised me. those who made me feel unloved and unwanted.

but then, i cant bear to do anything to them.
i dun even try to start a rumour about them or anything like my friends might do to ppl they dun like.
so i just take it all in, keep it in.


okays, this post is turning emo. =/

okays, back to the fats issue.
yeah, I'VE DECIDED. IM NOT GONNA BE ANOREXIC, NEITHER WILL I EVER BE.
not to scare all of you, but there was one moment of my life where i WANTED to be ano.
i know, it's stupid.
but.. all i used to think was.
all about what others thought of me.
so everyone whom i thought of as important before stabbed me, when i needed them the most.
but it's okay. i've seen enough of who's true and who's not.
i've heard enough about what everyone wants me to become.
i've felt what it felt like to be trampled upon like a crumpled up 50 dollar note on the road.
but then someone once told me "do not be afraid nor be dismayed, for He is with you"
thanks to that someone who reminded me who i was living for.

because of that one little phrase of encouragement, i grew stronger.
and that was during the last time when i felt this down.
SO. i've picked myself up, with God's help, with someone's help.


i really dint expect my post to turn emo, im serious!
i hope that from now on, no matter what obstacles i may face in future, i will always rmb my last downfall, and how He picked me up. so that i will gain courage to face up to the problem, instead of running away.

thanx =D
and to all my oblivious friends, i wanna thank ya'll for just being the way you are! making me glad that i have you (=

i'll try to post the pics asap. when my blogger gets better! (=

GET BETTER SOON, BLOGGER! =D