it just keeps getting worse doesnt it?
i used to be able to find you, and tell you stuff. tell you things that i dont tell anyone else.
but now? i cant.
and i realise, how pathetic i am, with no one else to go to.

yeah, i know i've got alot of bestys and stuff.. but.
everything they know from me, it's only half the story. the full story cant be told, not to anyone at all.
or maybe it's just me, that cant trust anyone else. and now that i've lost all my trust, i guess, the only one i can trust is God.
but even so, sometimes i still feel so alone.


okays, this is totally a ranting post, so dont read anymore from this point on.

really, why is it that all the shows i've been watching so far have suicides in them? i seriously dont have to be reminded every single time i watch something.
all i wanna do now is relax, but i cant. why? cuz i have everyone down my neck, and i know they're doing it for my own good. but sheesh. do i have to beg for a break for ONE FREAKING DAY. and that day happens to be the day that my chinese Os ended.
but nooo, i dont deserve a break after studying AND stressing till i cant sleep at night. why? because you think i suck. and i think i suck too. thanks so much for reminding me.
thanks so much for reminding me that 'gosh lydia, you're such a loser, cant you even do this right?' yeah, i cant. so kill me -.-

and recently, i seem to have lost my appetite. i dont think i lost it, i think i just lost my tastebuds, that's all. i cant seem to taste anything. :/
there isnt a day, where i can take my mind off things.
somehow,the mental asylum idea is getting more and more inviting. haha

ohwells. actually wanted to vent more. but realised that venting wont do me any good. so i shall spare ya'll the agony of reading more of my silly vents, if ya'll even bother reading this 'goodwasteoftime' post(=